Paradox and the Art of Awakening

This week has been filled with generous experiences of the nature of paradox in life. We all know the experience of paradox: it happens when we are focused on a particular outcome looking a particular way or have certainty around a particular area of life, only to have that focus or certainty turned on its head. If we're willing, paradoxes make us laugh (mostly at ourselves). They most certainly are humbling, as we come face-to-face with all that is "beyond our control." And they often give us something much better than we could have anticipated or planned.

For example, a client came to the realization that a situation that has seemed almost unbearable and unacceptable in a work environment, has, in fact, been a wonderful teaching that has led her to experience her own worth and inner authority. The paradox was evident in the situation not being about 'the other person,' but about her own journey of life. This recognition allows her to take appropriate next steps from a neutral, rather than an emotionally-charged energy. Another person discovered that her experience of depression was not the debilitating dynamic that she feared, but a great signpost energizing her need to begin including herself in the equation of her own life. Another client who had worked so hard to be accepted by others realized that she had not been able to take in the existing appreciation and love from others, partially because it looked different than what she had expected. Her internal rules for "what being acknowledged would look like" didn't allow for the reality of what was already being given to her. Someone else reported told of being in an exotic and beautifully serene enviroment, and being absolutely miserable, until an unexpected person 'just happened to show up' and helped her to see what she was missing.

As I've been reflecting on each of these beautiful awakenings, several themes are evident. Each person had enough curiosity to recognize that something besides her "internal ideas" were operating. Each was open enough to be startled into another way of experiencing her life. Each was willing to question a previous assumption and to actually 'let go' of some habitual pattern. And, did I mention laughter? There's great relief in not taking ourselves so seriously.

How many times do we miss what is really going on? How often do we dismiss that which is already available to us because we're looking for something else? The truth is, that unless we are practicing awareness and wakefulness on a moment-to-moment basis, we're missing out.

Having our 'made-up' inner certainty come face-to-face with reality, with the flow of life is the very core of paradox. If we are determined to defend our certainty, we are unlikely to realize the paradox. Rather, we are likely to experience whatever will reinforce our certainty, whether that is a sense of justification, or frustration or disappointment or hurt (to name just a few reactions). But as we practice "lightening up," we can participate in the cosmic chuckle, and appreciate the magical journey known as life.

Roxanne Howe-Murphy

Howe-Murphy earned her doctorate from the University of San Francisco, her M.A. from San Jose State University, and her B.A. from the University of Iowa. She is certified as a coach and Riso-Hudson Enneagram teacher. She directs the Enneagram Institute of the San Francisco Bay Area, an affiliate of the acclaimed Enneagram Institute, a global leader in Enneagram studies. She is among the first generation of teachers authorized to offer workshops created by Don Riso and Russ Hudson, preeminent Enneagram teachers and authors.