Dealing With Your Feelings Of Loss And Anger

Parenting through divorce and beginning a new relationship may lead to thoughts of remarriage. Remarrying before you get back on your feet is more likely to create new problems than to solve existing ones. No one can invest the energy needed to make a remarriage work if he or she is stuck on unresolved issues from the past. Unfortunately, some people spend more time in fighting with their former spouse than in building a life with their new partner. Before you consider remarriage, make sure you deal with your feelings of loss and anger. Letting go of your past relationship will help you to feel whole again so you can close the door on your marriage and get on with your life. Remarriage is usually a time of crisis for children. It is important to talk to your children about their feelings. Most children struggle with feelings of loss. Now the parent's attention, time, and love must be shared all the time. The closer the parent-child relationship had been, the harder it usually is on the child and the more the stepparent is seen as an unwelcome intruder. Many children feel betrayed and believe they have been replaced. Because many children never give up the fantasy of having their parents back together, remarriage awakens feelings of loss for children. Often, the hurt and anger the child feels is directed towards the new step-parent. Once again, children are powerless to influence the events in their lives. Common problems surfacing in children at the time of remarriage are fighting, withdrawal, unhappiness, poor concentration, and substance abuse. Fortunately, children's problems are generally not long term.