G Spot and Discussing Orgasm with your partner continued

Some women say they ejaculate when their G-spot is stimulated. Research has shown that approximately 10 per cent of women expel between 9ml and 900 ml of fluid from the urethra during arousal and orgasm. A group of scientists examined some of this ejaculatory fluid and discovered prostatic enzymes, fuelling the theory that the G-spot is the equivalent of the male prostate.

Conversations about your fantasies should also be a two-way street. If you're asking her to confide her innermost secrets, then you need to be willing to confess yours as well. Let me give you a word of caution about revealing your fantasies. Most of us have multiple fantasies and some of those fantasies may involve women other than our partners. If that's the case for you, keep those fantasies to yourself. Nothing makes a woman feel less desirable than knowing her partner is fantasizing about other women. Fantasy discussions can take place almost anywhere. The bedroom is a good place because sometimes just talking about fantasies can turn one or both of you on. However, you could also have the discussion anywhere you have some privacy.

Also, it should be obvious but it's worth stating anyway that whatever your partner reveals to you should remain confidential. Don't go running off to people you know and telling them what your partner fantasizes about. When she finds out, and she will, her trust in you will plummet and you'll never get her to confide in you again.

As before, I've put together a sample conversation that can help you get a feel for what to say and how to introduce the subject to your partner. Again, some partners are more willing than others to discuss these subjects so adjust your conversation accordingly.

You: “You know there's something we've never talked about before.”
Her: “What's that?”
You: “What our fantasies are.”
Her: “You mean our sexual fantasies?”
You: “Yeah, exactly.”
Her: “Why do we need to talk about that?”
You: “Because I'd like to know what gets you excited.”
Her: “Besides you?”
You: “Yes, besides me.”
Her: “I'll tell you, but you can't tell anyone else, ok? It's kind of embarrassing.”
You: “Your secret will be save with me.”
Her: (she confides her fantasy)
You: “You shouldn't be embarrassed about that. I can see why it would turn you on.”
Her: “Really? Ok, now what's your fantasy?”

Of course, you should now share with her the details of your own fantasy. If she tells you her fantasy first, then follow her lead. The more details she includes in hers the more details you need to include in yours. It wouldn't seem fair for her to provide an elaborate description of her fantasy only to have you say, “I dream about having sex with you on the hood of a car” or something similar.

If she's not comfortable talking to you about her fantasy, then you may want to go ahead and tell her yours. Once you've confided your secret it may make her feel more secure about telling hers. If not, drop the subject and come back to it after you've been together a little longer. The more trust you build between you in the relationship the more likely she is to tell you her secrets.

Faked Orgasms

This is another important conversation you'll need to have, and this one – unlikely the other two – should not take place in the bedroom. During the prelude to sex, the last thing either of you should be discussing or thinking about is whether or not the other person is a satisfying lover. That is a mood killer.

This may also be a difficult conversation for you to have because of your ego. Of course, you want to pleasure your partner and it can be very depressing to find out that she's been faking her orgasms with you, even for only a short period of time. That's a natural response. However, you need to remember two important things: 1) You are not alone. Most women have faked orgasms with a partner so that means almost all men have been with women who have had to fake it. 2) You want to change things and that shows you are a good lover. Good lovers care about their partner's pleasure and are willing to take steps to improve the experience for both parties.

Your partner may also have a hard time talking about this with you. She doesn't want to hurt your feelings, and she's not likely to believe you when you tell her you'll be ok with her response. Just keep reassuring her that you are interested in being a better lover for her and that your own ego doesn't really matter. Also, let her know you're not going to be angry or upset that she's been lying to you about the orgasms. This is another concern women have about confessing. Women also have a tendency to blame themselves if they can't achieve orgasms. This is because as a society we've focused on how hard it is for women to achieve orgasms not how hard it is for men to learn how to help their partners achieve orgasm. There's a difference in these two messages, and this attitude goes all the way back to Freud who believed women who could not achieve vaginal orgasms were frigid and immature.